A man in Calgary wanted to buy a used car. He told the salesman, “I don’t have too much money.” The salesman said, “No sweat. I have the car for you, only $2000!” The man, “That’s way too much!” The Dealer, “How much can you spare?” The man, “About $500!” The dealer, “No sweat, I have just the car for you. It has only one problem, no reverse gear!” The man, “That’s ok. I am just going to Edmonton. I am not coming back!”

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I was going to college with a buddy. A dog came barking, from a house. I was terrified. He said, “Relax. Don’t you know that the dog that barks doesn’t bite?” I, “You and I know that, but does the dog know that?”

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A mouse died and went to the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter showed the mouse around. The mouse said, “It’s so beautiful, but so big! How am I going to get around?” “No sweat” said St. Peter. He made wheels for the mouse. All of a sudden, a cat appeared at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter showed the cat around. The cat said, “It’s so beautiful, but so big! How am I going to find food around here?” All of a sudden, the mouse came, rolling on wheels. The cat said, “Thank God, you got meals on wheels!”
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A blonde went to her doctor and said “Doctor, wherever I touch, anywhere on my body, with my index finger, I have great pain.” Doctor, “Show me?” The blonde pressed many parts of her body with her index finger and said “ouch, ouch, ouch!!!” Doctor, “Let me examine you!” He pressed the same part of the body with his index finger. No pain! Blonde, “How is it possible?” Doctor, “Lady your finger is broken!”

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There was a Native elder who used to forecast the weather, for the day and the week ahead. He was right on the notch! The villagers went to him, every morning, to get the weather. This went on for some time! One day the elder said, “Today I can’t tell you the weather.” The villagers, “Why?” He wouldn’t tell. They pressed. The elder finally, broke down and said, “My radio doesn’t work anymore!

The man had a bad, bad stutter. He could not complete a sentence without taking 2 or 3 minutes. He applied for a job. But with no avail. The man can’t talk! After some time, he was called in for an interview. The manager felt sorry for him. Thought he wouldn’t last. The manager, “This is a Bible selling company. Can you sell Bibles?” The man, “Hai-i, ca–ca-can, se- se-sell hanything!” The manager gave him 5 Bibles. Through he would bring them all back. The man sold them in 3 days. The manager was surprised. Increased the number of Bibles to double, triple, not knowing how he sold them. Soon, the stutterer became the top notch salesman, in the company. The manager wanted to know his secret! The man said, “Ha-hai go-go to a ha-house. No-no-knock at da-da-door. The la-la-lady ca-comes out. I-haiask , do-do you want, to-to ba-buy a ba-ba-Bible or shu-should I re-read it to you!”

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There was a couple. Both around 95 years old. They just watched T.V. all day. No friends, nothing! Both could see and hear somewhat, but the lady was better. The man was stiff boring! The lady was upbeat! She wanted to put some spice into his life. So, she went to the room next to, the T.V. room, where the man was watching, took all her clothes off and streaked in front the old man. The man blinked and said, “Martha, whatever you are wearing, needs ironing!”